trauma

Constant Gentleness

Why do we have to be constantly gentle with our youngsters. When parenting I’m task oriented. It takes a lot of planning, organization and direction to the troops to keep our home running smoothly. It’s hard for me in the moment of just wanting something to get done or to happen to remember that being quiet and gentle will go further in the long run toward our children becoming healthy adults.

Children are more likely to be traumatized by a new situation if they have been traumatized before—especially if the earlier trauma occurred in childhood. This includes raised voices and angry or frustated tones. Experiencing trauma in childhood can have a severe and long-lasting effect. Children who have been traumatized see the world as a frightening and dangerous place. When childhood trauma is not resolved, this fundamental sense of fear and helplessness carries over into adulthood, setting the stage for further trauma.

What steps will you take to be mindful of your demeanor? How will you take care of yourself to be in a good mind space in order to guide your child there? Perhaps you need to talk with a therapist a few times (most employers have EAP) to figure out your triggers or your attachment style. Do you need to up the exercise or yoga time to keep your endorphins up? When was the last time you ate a vegetable? Maybe you need to make a date night a priority to reconnect with your spouse and feel loved.

My new mantra in those moments of frustration is this:

“This isn’t about this moment in time… it’s about her lifetime.”

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